Holidays Are Upon Us
Holidays bring joy to many, and at the same time carry their own stressors unique to the season. For some, decorations are all things joy and nostalgia. For others, they are annoying clutter. To an extent we can each choose our level involvement with the pumpkin spice phenomenon and neighborhood light displays. But for most of us, there is at least one holiday gathering we are expected to attend or would like to attend. If only we could get a preview of what to expect…
Family Get-Togethers
A family get together can be the least amount of stress out of our holiday obligations, or can create a great amount of anxiety. Each family has its own traditions and routines, so you would know your own better than anyone. If you have been skipping them over the years but are still invited - just go. You don’t have to love it, but you will regret it someday if you don’t put in time now. Regret is high on the list of uncomfortable emotions.
Expect someone to say or do something uncomfortable. Then just move on and tell yourself “that was expected.”
Remember that everyone there cares about each other.
Do your best to be interested (or appear so) in the lives of family members. Use it as a time to catch up by asking questions. My recommendation is to think ahead of time about what you are interested in knowing that won’t fall into the “too personal” category so you can have a guide of what you want to talk with people about. Suggested topics - hobbies, any new changes such as a move or a job, kids, current events in your area that aren’t political.
Know that people will want to know what is new in your life. This doesn’t mean they are judging (or maybe they are but that’s their problem and that’s weird for them if they are). Think of what you might want to share. Have you read any new books? Have you gone somewhere new? Whether it be a new restaurant or a vacation, have you tried something new? If you truly have not done anything new, that’s ok too! Just say so. Nothing to panic about.
Holiday Work Parties
Holiday party
You should go. You should avoid drinking too much. Let someone else take the role of “that guy” that everyone is talking about later. You should keep in mind there are all varying degrees of comfort, most of which morph as the party moves along.
Most likely someone has been put in charge of organizing the venue (where, what food will be served, how much people will pay) and the schedule.
Mingle
You will probably have to ‘mingle” upon arrival. This is a good time to look around and just blend in. You will find someone to talk to, or maybe there will be something for people to do while they wait such as eat appetizers. I recommend admiring the decorations if you do not see someone you feel comfortable talking to. Whatever you choose to do, remember to smile. People feel comfortable around someone who looks like they are enjoying themselves. And usually a smile will turn into genuine joy or at least contentment.
You can use similar guidelines for conversation that are outlined in the family gathering section. Talking about what’s new in your life or others makes for an interesting conversation.
Try not to: complain, ramble (be sure to take turns talking and listening), making strong political statements or opinions.
Try to: ask others things like what they are doing for the holidays, if they will be spending it with family or doing something else, expand on what they say if possible.
Meals
There is likely a meal. If so, be sure to scope out the seating when you arrive. People often place a jacket or purse where they will be sitting. Find a spot that’s open and do the same. It won’t matter who you are sitting by at that point, everyone will chat with each other once they sit. You can take the role of the person who does more of the listening during the meal, that’s not a big deal. Point being, do not worry much about who you sit near, just get a seat.
Clothing
Clothing is dependent on the venue. If you are having a work party at your office, just wear something mildly festive such as holiday colors or even just your normal work clothes. If your party is at someone’s house, it is likely casual if it is right after work or a little nicer if it is on the weekend or later in the evening. If the party is at a restaurant, dress “business casual” or casual party wear (you can look up either one on the internet). Or honestly, if you aren’t worried about it just be yourself. Everyone respects that.
Depending on where you work, there is likely a cost per person for the work party. Be sure to find out who is collecting and pay ahead of time.
You do not need a gift for a work party unless there is going to be a white elephant game, or some other gift exchange.*
*Explanations given at the end of this post.
Gift Etiquette
As the host ahead of time if there will be a gift exchange. If not and it is Christmas, Hanukkah, or other traditionally “gift giving holidays.” it is always safe to go with bringing gifts for children in the family. My sister who does not have children of her own has found that sometimes buying a family game for all of the children in a certain age group is a nice way to cover all the bases without having to spend too much or shop too long.
If there are not children and/or it is not a family gathering (it is a friend gathering), simply bring a gift for the host/hostess. A plant or festive decoration are safe options.
Special Events
It is fun around the holiday season to check out events in your area dedicated to the holidays. For example, most places have a turkey trot which is a fun run/walk on Thanksgiving. Typically they intend to raise money for those in need. Ultimately, they are a great way to start the day! You do not have to be in great shape to participate. All levels of humans show up and the overall attitude of friendliness and joy in the holiday is hard to pass up.
If fun runs/walks aren’t your thing, no big deal. If you just search “upcoming events in (enter town name),” you usually can find all sorts of neat ways to celebrate upcoming holidays in your community. This is a great way to expand the way we celebrate.
Other fun traditions to look up in your community:
Religious organizations often have special events open to the public
Parades
Santa visits
Craft Fairs
Toy or Food Drives
Christmas Tree Lightings
*While Elephant - bring a funny gift or a gag gift. It’s a hilarious game, whose rules will be explained at the party. If nobody explains, be sure to ask - that would a perfectly legitimate question. If you prefer not to play don’t feel bad. This is a game a few people usually sit out from. However, it is packed full of fun and there is no one correct gift which is what makes it extra funny! If you’re looking for some fun gifts - either for white elephant or for that favorite uncle, check out this list of fun and inexpensive ideas.
https://www.inspiredherway.com/20-funny-white-elephant-gifts-under-20/amp/
*Gift Exchange: Hopefully the rules or guidelines of any gift exchange will be explained by the organizer. Be sure to fulfill the expectations if you sign up or agree to participate. An example might be secret Santa. There are many variations to secret Santa, but most include drawing a name, exchanging gifts based on a form filled out by participants about preferred items, and a price limit. Keep in mind it will cost money to participate as you will be purchasing gifts for someone else. It also requires a bit of planning ahead and organization to make sure you bring gifts periodically if it is the type where you get multiple little gifts leading up to the “reveal” or bigger exchange where you all tell who had whom. Some only involve one exchange which is easier in the planning portion but a little more difficult as far as knowing what types of things people will be buying. You can always ask someone who has worked in the organization a while what types of gifts people buy. If you like receiving gifts and don’t mind buying them, secret Santa is a lot of fun!
Closing Thoughts
Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!
“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a JOY, you must have somebody to divide it with. ”