Change is Hard

Why we fight, avoid, or resist change? Life’s list of changes goes on and on, but below are a few that come to mind.

1. Schedule changes - they don’t even have to be immediate or unexpected. I just don’t like them at all.

2. People changes - staffing at places I go to often, family readjustments (like divorce), new neighbors, new coaches

3. Change in job duties - reduction OR addition of duties, processes, locations

4. Road detours

5. “New ownership” at restaurants

6. World changes like Pluto isn’t a planet, but then it is, but then it isn’t

7. “New meeting location” announcements for anything I’m involved in

8. Updates in phones

9. Rearrangement of stores I go to often (like the grocery store)

10. Expectations or regulations

The funny thing is, in the end I actually like a lot of types of change. It’s just the initial reaction that’s hard. It took a while, but I have gotten better at talking myself through changes and realize sometimes I like the new situation. Honestly, it simply comes down to patience.

The “I’ll get used to it, just bear with me while I adjust” doesn’t work for everything, but it gets me through most transitional phases. When work calls to tell me I’m teaching a different class next semester, rather than resist I try to ask questions to process the change, then I wait a day or so to think through the ‘pros’ of the new situation. By then usually I’ve accepted the change.

Accepting change doesn’t mean liking it. It just means dealing with it so it doesn’t consume our thoughts.

Simple ways to support your child's education

What can I do to help my child succeed at school?

1. Talk daily about what they did at school. Ask open questions rather than closed ones. Open: included explanation, no right/wrong answer. Closed: can be answered with a yes/no, one word, or has a right/wrong answer.

2. Focus on what is going well. This helps your child maintain positive associations with school.

3. Check online forums such as grade postings, teacher websites, or other communications from your child’s teachers.

4. If possible, stay involved. Your child seeing you at school or in contact with school shows them you find it important. It also is the best way to gain insights, spark conversations, and for your child’s teachers to get a deeper understanding of who your child is.

5. Avoid negative comments about your own education or learning.

6. Get ready together in the morning to help with readiness for the day.

Father eating breakfast with son, working on computer

Good news! You ARE ready for Christmas!

Are you ready for Christmas? What a strange question. Why is it so stressful when someone asks us this question? Probably because most of us think of all the ways we’re not ready. Maybe you’re one of those extremely efficient people who have been “ready” for weeks. Maybe you’re someone who will never be ready. I think we need to get to the bottom of what “being ready for Christmas” means.

I’m going to make some assumptions here. I would guess when someone asks “are you ready for Christmas?” they are probably asking, “have you finished your shopping? Put up all your decorations?” And for some people, this question also asks, “have you taken the kids to see Santa? Shopped for Christmas outfits? Baked and delivered treats for the neighbors? Arranged travel plans? Wrapped everything? Sent Christmas cards? Gone to see Christmas lights? Mailed off letters to Santa?” and the list goes on. Anyone else feel overwhelmed just by reading this list of expectations? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the heck out of holiday traditions and cheer. I walk around stores just to listen to Christmas music and soak up the holiday glow. But I've been thinking a lot about where the pure joy comes from. And the good news is that it’s free, not contingent on anything we say or do, and it’s right in front of us.

Christmas, the birth of Jesus, already happened. We just get to celebrate this every year. How lucky are we? We need to absolve ourselves of pressure we have allowed in, dismantle emotional weight we’ve been carrying around while chasing the elusive finish line of a “perfect” season, and realize the season always has been and always will be perfect. We just have to focus our hearts and minds on the only good news we ever needed. Jesus, the son of God, was born in the flesh to change our destiny forever.

Fear not: I bring you good tidings of great joy that shall be for all people. Luke 2:10

Notice, the great joy is not offered “to all people who have all their presents wrapped,” or “to all people who have beautifully decorated homes and homemade cookies delivered to the neighbors." It’s for you. For me. For all people.

This not an event to be “ready” for. This is an event to look forward to with childlike anticipation. Everything you need is right in front of you. Don’t miss it.

Holiday Fun Guide

Free and easy activities to bring

JOY

to your holiday season

Search Activities in Your Area

• Parades

• Special Events at Religious Organizations

• Festivals at Parks or Community Centers

• Santa Visits

• Fun Runs

• Christmas Light Viewing

• Tree Lightings

• Concerts

Parades

Arrive 30 minutes early to find parking and walk to where you can see the parade. Depending on the popularity and size of the town the parade will take place, it may be necessary to arrive even earlier to get a spot where you can see the parade.

Special Events at Religious Organizations

When an event is advertised to the public one can assume everyone is welcome regardless of religious views. Events include things like decorative “villages,” demonstrations of traditions such as games played at celebrations and craft projects, meals, and so forth. Religious organizations are often the most welcoming and accepting venues a person could take part in. You can go alone or with someone, you can wear what you’d like, and rarely (if ever) would you be put in an uncomfortable social situation.

Festivals at Parks or Community Centers

Everything from gingerbread house making to decorated horse carriage rides might be found at community events. Sometimes meals are included, some are used as fund raisers, and most are incredibly fun. You can remain as anonymous or social as you choose. These are usually the most frequently found events when searching for holiday events in your area. You should expect a crowd.

“We are better throughout the year for having in spirit become a child again at Christmas-time. ”

— Laura Engalls Wilder

Santa Visits

Santa isn’t just for kids. Ok, maybe the sitting on his lap part should be reserved for kids. But usually where there is a public Santa visit, there is also a spirit of joy and excitement. If his visit is simply for pictures, it’s probably only worth going if you plan to get a picture. However, usually his visits are surrounded by some additional holiday festivities.

Fun Runs

If you enjoy a community run/walk event, this is a great time of year to find one near you or in a destination of choice to gather with like-minded individuals. Fun runs are full of entertaining outfits, a festive t-shirt (usually), positive attitudes, and cheer to set your holiday off right. The names of runs this time of year are often quite clever!

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Special Education Teachers are Being Underutilized

We would all be better off if our special education professionals were treated like…professionals. These are the folks that know students best, are tied in with parents, student peer circles, general education teachers, and related service professionals. Yet the problem of viewing special education teachers like nothing more than case managers is a tale as old as time.

Over twenty years in the profession, and I still get questions like “did you fill out the SES 14” or “we need you to call parents to…” or “we’re bringing in someone to collect data” before I’m ever asked “what is working in your classroom” or “tell us what’s going on.”

The biggest way to maximize learning, centralize services, and optimize school experiences is to professionalize special education. When the system realizes that special education teachers can be resources for general education teachers and administrators, when parents are reassured that special education teachers are competent and the best approach is to work together, and when training and meetings are carried out with this mindset, the gains in the school system for kids with disabilities will experience unprecidented progress. This progress will manifest in the classroom, at the meeting table, and at home.

Relationships between the school and home don’t need to be adversary. If you know a special education teacher who seems to have a guard up, is stand-offish, or is unwilling to take suggestions, there’s a good chance they’ve only been approached with “do this form or we’re going to get sued” versus “we have an opportunity for success for this child, can we get your feedback.” When trainings and conversations are centered on “we’ll get sued if you don’t…(insert paper work check mark)” it’s easy to see how walls are built between teachers and families. I can testify that every special education teacher I know has their students’ best interests in mind. And what they want to do is teach. Let’s let them teach. Let’s use them as the resources they are trained to be.

1. Professionalize the profession

2. Allow them to be the professionals they are trained to be

3. Foster a mindset across stakeholders that special educators have a specialized skillset

4. Everything else will fall into place

How and why to adopt a new hobby

Hobbies

An undervalued element of a busy society

Hobbies are what we do for enjoyment. Some hobbies include physical activity, some are social, some require thinking, and the list goes on. The hobbies we choose are based on personal preferences. I enjoy running. Many people hate it. For me it is a hobby, for others, it is only used when absolutely necessary or as an exercise when trying to get in shape. Many people enjoy comic-con or other conventions whereas the idea stresses me out completely. It’s fun to try various activities in order to find what suits you. That being said, expecting to love a hobby the first time we try it may result in disappointment. Familiarity and/or practice with an activity lead to higher levels of enjoyment.

Hobbies allow us to have a mental and/or physical outlet. An outlet is meant to bring us joy, distract us from stressors, sometimes connect us to others, give us a sense of purpose outside of mandatory responsibilities, provide us something to look forward to, and more. It is wise to have at least one hobby which costs little to no money. Spending too much money on a hobby can turn something enjoyable into stress or can become a vice (a form of addiction or habit that controls our mind in an unhealthy way). Refer to the chart at the end of this post for inexpensive hobby ideas.

I started running for enjoyment in my 20’s. It has brought me through phases of anxiety, boosted my physical confidence as far as trusting what my body can do, gives me an outlet for stress, it is my way to stay familiar with the neighborhood and the people living in it, and gives me a focus. I have learned in my adult life to enjoy other hobbies like puzzles, reading, and gardening. I have also learned that when I’m not consciously engaging in healthy hobbies I tend to slip into old patterns I used to consider “hobbies” but actually are bad habits such as watching TV for extended periods of time, eating when I’m not hungry, or shopping when I don’t need anything.

Activities mistook for hobbies: shopping, eating, cell phone usage, gambling, going to the bar, watching television or videos on other devices.

Public Recreation, Community Classes, and Community Centers

Every community has some sort of recreation center. If you search your area then recreation programs you will find what is offered near you. I recommend including the word ‘classes.’ Community recreation centers are a great place to be part of different groups, gain access to equipment needed for hobbies such as work out equipment and swimming pools, and are open to everyone.

Parks and Recreation Facilities

Depending on the size of your community, you may have only one or you may have several recreation centers (often referred to as ‘rec centers’) operated by the city or county Parks and Recreation department. At every center there will be a front desk and this is a great way to get more information about what is offered. They may have a printed catalog for you to look through for a schedule and descriptions of classes or programs, or they can direct you to the online version. They can answer questions for you as well. Anyone is allowed in these public centers, but if you join a class there will be a small fee or if you want to use the facility for something like swimming or exercise you might pay a monthly fee. Parks and recreation centers are a wonderful place to meet people, they’re usually nice facilities with quality equipment, they’re safe, and what I appreciate most is how inexpensive they are.

YMCA

The YMCA, often referred to as “the Y” is similar to Parks and Recreation. They offer classes and can be found in most communities. Like Parks and Recreation community centers, they are often affordable and open to anyone who would like to join. YMCA’s across the nation have been providing a place for kids, teens, and adults to enjoy hobbies and be part of a community for many years. You can search YMCA and at the top of the results you will likely see a map with the ones near you. Since they are so universal, your search will likely provide results of other similar programs and/or facilities such as those operated through Boys and Girls Club, and others.

YMCA

Community Classes

The most common classes provided through a community organization such as Parks and Recreation or YMCA are swimming, yoga, different crafts, and some exercise classes. Occasionally you can find informational classes such as finance support or other basic life needs.

Community Sports Leagues

Parks and Recreation often operate sports leagues in an area. For children these might be complex with multiple teams while the adults leagues are often more casual. Anyone can sign up. If you have other people you know who are on a team or want to form a team you can sign up as a team. You can also sign up as a singleton and they will place you. Leagues often include softball, soccer (both indoor and outdoor in many areas), and basketball. If you search your town and adult sports leagues, you may find more interesting options either through Parks and Recreation or through another organization. You never, know…I once stumbled across a rather complex quidditch tournament and a local park!

Athletic clubs and gyms

Every community has gyms you can pay for. Basic gyms simply used for working out are fairly inexpensive. If you are looking for more of a place where you can develop or support a hobby, you want to look at something more like an athletic club. If you have to time to spend there, it is money well spent. See the post for gyms and athletic clubs for more information on using such facilities.

What Do I Need to Know and Bring?

Playing in a community league

When you sign up they will ask your experience or skill level. Regardless of skill or experience, everyone is welcome to play. This is the best part of adult leagues. Your team will help you, and teams are happy to have enough people to play. There will be strong players and brand new players and everything in between.
What you need: sport-specific gear such or equipment, water, appropriate shoes and comfortable clothes.

Swimming

When a pool is available at a recreation center, there is also a locker room. You should bring a towel and swimsuit. If you are comfortable doing so, you can bring a change of clothes and change in the locker room. Ask an employee how their locker system works if you want to store things in one. Some people change out in the open in the locker room but it is perfectly normal to go into a bathroom stall to change as well. I usually skip the changing part when going straight home but if you do that be sure to bring comfortable clothing to wear over your suit. If you like to wear goggles, or a swim cap (keeps your hair dry and out of your way while you swim) other people will have them on too so go for it. The pool will have safety equipment such as flotation devices. They will also probably have kick boards and floating noodles. If your feet are sensitive, wear water shoes. Community pools have a diverse bunch of swimmers so do whatever you enjoy!

You might want to check “open swim” times which are the time anyone is allowed to get in the pool and do what they want. There will usually also be designated lap swimming time for people using the pool for exercise. If you are unsure of the policies, just ask one of the employees and they will help you out. Be sure to follow the pool rules such as where to jump.

Tennis

There are many places you can go to play tennis for free. Most high schools have courts open to the public on weekends or evenings. Some parks have courts as well. Some athletic clubs or gyms where you pay for a monthly membership have courts.

What you need: comfortable shoes, tennis balls, and a racket

Classes at a community center such as classesng class, craft workshops, or art classes

Classes such as these are occupied by people of all skill sets. I was too nervous to attend a cooking class until my mom bought me a class and we went together. I was surprised to see the range of skill and experience with cooking. They told us every single thing we would need to know including showing what each tool was as they mentioned it and explaining how to measure, and so forth. It was so much fun! When attending classes like these, the description or emails you might receive after signing up will tell you what to bring. For example, sometimes to cooking class, you will be asked to bring an apron. Or for arts or crafts, they will tell you if you need any tools. Typically you don’t need to bring anything.

Outdoor Hobbies

Running and Walking

If you are new to running, I recommend starting by looking up something like “couch to 5k running plan.” Running experts have spent time putting together plans based on how the body responds to running. There is science behind why our body can go further and further every few times we run. Our blood creates mitochondria each time we exercise, and the more we have the longer we can work out (or it can increase our intensity). Eventually, running becomes enjoyable rather than miserable because our bodies adapt. Additionally our muscles grow and change to support the movement which not only makes it easier over time, this also helps alleviate pain in joints from running because our muscles compensate. The first few times you run might be painful, then it gets increasingly easier and less painful. It takes repetition to learn what your body likes to eat before running (if anything), how much water to drink, and what clothes you prefer. Start small! There’s no need to start with a 3 miles run or walk. Do what feels comfortable at first. It is also fun to switch up your approach. You might run on hills one day, a little longer distance a few days later, then maybe some sprints to build different muscles.

What you need: The best part about running is the accessibility. It can be done anywhere and requires very little preparation. Running shoes, sports bra (for the ladies), comfortable clothes, and music. Unless you are running very long distances (say, more than 6 or 7 miles) you do not need to carry water. I highly recommend investing in good quality shoes. It will be worth it!

Biking, Riding a Bicycle

Riding a bicycle is easy and fun, and there are options for all levels of bike riders. You may simply use a bike to get where you need to go or you may be someone who wants to hit the trails, or maybe you want to ride a bike for exercise. When choosing a bike you can tell the bike shop employee how you plan to use the bike and they can help choose the best option. You can also find bikes at thrift stores if you are not picky and want to save money. It is smart to learn how to care for your bike before going very far from home. When using a bike for fun, transportation, or mild exercise all you need is a bike and a helmet. There are all sorts of extras you can get for your bike if you want. Walmart has a great bicycle section with things like water bottle holders, bells, handlebar grips, and more for a good price. Be sure to look into the rules of the road for bicycles if you plan to go outside of your neighborhood. Carrying a backpack is a nice way to take what you need with you and not have it in your way.

United State of Mind, Election Edition

Election day is upon us. For the presidential seat, approximately half of the voting population will win and half will lose. My prayer is that we can win well and lose well.

We the people.

We make this country. We rely on each other. We determine how our fellow citizens feel. In our neighborhoods, in the work place, in schools, and in general. Choosing to believe that anyone who votes different from you is ignorant, or evil, or completely unfounded is ignorant. The issues embedded in politics are MANY, yet we focus on a few. If you can’t hear differing perspectives, that’s sad for you.

Reframing potential post election sentiments:

Instead of:

I can’t believe anyone would vote for (opposition).

Try:

I need to try to understand how anyone voted for (opposition) because I can’t see what people would like about them.

Instead of:

Our country is doomed.

Try:

What can I do to change things?

It seems scary but if over half the population feels safe with (opposition) I trust that we will be OK.

General Reframing

1. Replace FEAR with FAITH

2. Replace DEFEAT with ACTION

3. Replace OVERWHELMED with FOCUSED

4. Replace HATE with LISTENING

1. Fear is natural. There are ways to keep it in check though. A couple techniques:

• Find good people who think differently than you and focus on them. This will help you realize people who think differently are not actually bad people.

• Limit watching political news. It is intended to scare as a persuasive tactic. Don’t be a pawn.

• Have faith that there are enough good people (and there ARE) to keep our country good.

2. Defeat is temporary. Sitting sad about it won’t do any good. Find somewhere to volunteer. Go for walks. Look for ways to help change future results.

3. Minds tend to swirl. Find one or two areas to focus on. Tackle one item at a time. Politics actually have very little direct effect on our daily lives. Think about it. You control your daily action.

4. Again, if (opponent) wins, there must be reasons. Listen to what people are saying. It will not only open your mind, it will likely give you slight peace of mind, even if you disagree. Hearing the positive traits about a candidate will decrease the disappointment about their win.

If your candidate WINS

Congratulations! Now in your celebratory happy dancing, remember about half the population lost. Knowing you don’t hate every person who voted for the opponent, remember they are feeling how you would have felt if your candidate lost. Having people gloat or dismiss your feelings isn’t fun. Show grace and modesty. Have a little mental personal celebration. Share the joy with others you know voted like you. Just make sure you really know they do.

Simply Stated: Voting

“According to a study conducted by Rutgers University and Syracuse University, if voters with disabilities voted at the same rate as their non-disabled peers with the same demographics (age, income, ethnicity, etc.) 3 million more people would have voted in the 2016 election. ”

— The Ruderman Family Foundation

How To Vote

Want to vote? How-To Guide below!

Note: If you have the assistance of a guardian or conservator (someone who helps to oversee legal matters, pay bills, and so forth) they may be able to assist you through the process, including when you visit the polls.

Terms are defined at the end of the post so if you get to a word you haven’t heard before, check the terms list. If it’s not there, drop a note in the comments section.

Register

You have to register (get your name on file with the government) to be able to vote when elections come.

Most states want you registered by October. Exact deadlines for each state:
https://www.usvotefoundation.org/vote/state-elections/state-election-dates-deadlines.htm

How to register.

Each state has its own process, but here are some basic guidelines.

1) Mail-In Registration

Go to website. Print. Fill it out. Mail it in.

Go to https://www.eac.gov/voters/national-mail-voter-registration-form and click on the link “National Mail Voter Registration Form.” For this method, you need to print a registration form, fill it out, and mail it in. If you don’t have a printer you might ask around since most people would be willing to print a form for someone who wants to register. Just search “voter registration form.” When you find it, it will appear very long but there’s only one actual page to fill out. On the government site it looks like the same page twice but one is for those who prefer to type on the form rather than print, and the other is if you want to print first then write answers.

Basically, just print the page that looks like this at the top.

On the registration form you can scroll down to find instructions for your state. BASICALLY, as long as you meet the main guidelines you can sign up. This is where you find the address of where to mail your form. DO IT BEFORE OCTOBER and you’ll be good to go.

2) Online Registration

Vote.gov is an easy way to get to online registration. Plan ahead because sometimes the website is down temporarily for maintenance. The website will walk you through the steps to register.

1. Requirements

Voting time! November 3rd.

Mail In Vote

In 2020 most states are automatically sending ballots (the form to vote with) to every registered voter. You will mark it then send it back. How will we ever know if it got there? I have no idea, but I hope they are monitoring the process closely. There are many safety measures in place to protect your vote.

Before mail in votes became a big deal because of the pandemic, we only called mail in votes absentee ballots (get it, because you’re absent?). You can still request an absentee ballot regardless of where you live. You just go to vote.org to register to be an absentee voter. It’s really very easy and they just send you a ballot.

In-Person Voting

In 2020, this might not be an option. If it is an option, it’s also very easy. Take your ID with you to the polling place you are designated to (ask a neighbor if you’re unsure, they assign you by where you live). Great news! You can request a sample ballot ahead of time on one of the government websites (search online). Then you can go through candidates and topics with someone you trust to explain them well. Be sure you are doing this with someone who will allow you to vote the way you truly believe, not the way they want you to. You can mark your choices on this sample ballot. Then when you walk into the polling place you simply get in line, show them your ID, then they’ll give you a tool that looks like a pencil but it’s used to tap the screen to fill in your choices (pretty cool!). On a touch screen you’ll mark your choices for each ballot item. When you get to the finish screen, cast your vote then you’re all done! Turn in your pencil-looking tool on your way out and grab a sticker to let people know you voted!

Learning about voting topics (non-persuasive).

DID YOU KNOW…You can do an internet search of your state and request a guide about issues and candidates up for vote? WARNING, some of the language used is extremely confusing, but it’s still helpful. Believe it or not, we can not rely on social media, memes, clever posts from people or commercials to truly inform us. Don’t get caught in the trap of convincing posts! Keep your true voice and vote for what you believe. In order to do this, you need to learn about the issues and candidates.

While they are very important, there is SO MUCH MORE to vote for beyond the president and senators. You don’t have to vote on everything! But you should vote on the issues and candidates with which you’re familiar.

It wasn’t until my late 20’s that I learned you can research the ways presidential candidates voted on issues during their time in congress (if they were in congress). For example, a candidate might say “everyone should have access to fair pay!” and then you might look into their past voting on issues that congress votes on and find out that same candidate voted against a bill to protect fair pay for people with disabilities. If you have time, look into the candidates. Simply use internet searches for particular candidates, searching “voting history on issues.”

When choosing news sources, you can use this media bias chart as a guide to improve chances of receiving reliable information.

Media bias chart

To read the full paper about voting barriers for people with disabilities (copy and paste link into URL bar): https://rudermanfoundation.org/the-ruderman-white-paper-voting-accessibility-for-people-with-disabilities/

If interested, you can learn about mental health issues and who to vote for based on your personal preferences on issues at: https://www.nami.org/Advocacy/Take-Action-on-Advocacy-Issues/Vote4MentalHealth/Learn-the-Issues

Be the change, cast your vote! Your opinion is valuable and critically needed. If there are access barriers along the way, take note and let’s work together to remove barriers for the next election! If not you, then who?

Voting Terms

Polling Station: The place you go to vote if you are going in person.

Bias: To lean toward one set of opinions, or to have ideas based on experiences rather than facts

Ballot: A paper form or computerized list of items to vote on

Cast your vote: This just means to vote. “Cast” is the verb we use when turning in a ballot

Ways to Enjoy Time Alone

30 day activity list

Can be done in any order, most require no materials, all can be done alone, all are social distancing friendly, and most are free or incredibly inexpensive. Enjoy!

1. Go for a walk

2. Watch a documentary

3. Cook a fancy meal

4. Bathe a pet, or if you don’t have one browse humane society website

5. Find a new series to binge

6. Mail someone a letter

7. Drive somewhere pretty

8. Bake for yourself (and/or others)

9. Try a new exercise

10. Find new TedTalks of interest

11. Start a puzzle (jigsaw, crossword, you choose)

12. Clean out a closet

13. Plant seeds indoor or outdoor

14. Start a book

15. Bird watch

16. Find a new music artist you enjoy

17. Do a craft

18. Make a bag of at least 10 items to donate

19. Rearrange furniture in at least one room

20. Try a fruit or veggie you’ve never had before

21. Do yoga

22. Send someone a funny card

23. Play solitaire with real life cards

24. Clean out phone photos and order at least one print

25. Bike ride (if you have one), or jog around your block

26. Find a new blog to follow

27. Find a new place to take a nature walk

28. Start a journal

29. Look at pictures of animals from other countries OR listen to a podcast.

30. Find a new checklist to start next month! Write down 3 activities from this list that weren’t already part of your routine to try to integrate into your life from now on.

“Letter writing is the only device for combining solitude with good company. ”

— Lord Byron

Numbers below correspond to numbers above

Documentary suggestion list

1. Some people like to set out without a plan, some like to stick to a known route. There are benefits to each! I like to repeat routes because I love familiarity, I like watching change over time (for example, people’s yards, dogs, neighborhood trees) and I like knowing how long it is going to take me. Driving to new neighborhoods and enjoying new walking paths is pretty enjoyable as well!

2. Search a favorite subject and go! I love to watch running documentaries.

3. If you are new to cooking, here are a couple tips: make sure you have the ingredients and tools needed before you begin, maybe start with one dish and buy the sides or go for all of the dishes on your own. Just search “easy recipes” or a particular food if you have one in mind and browse sites. One of my favorites for healthy recipes is yoursassychef.com - once you buy some of the unique ingredients, you’ll find they are in multiple recipes so you’ll be all set after initially purchasing.

4. Bathe that little furry friend of yours! OR if you browse the humane society near you perhaps you will find a little buddy to adopt, or you can look at ways to support your local agency. For example, one winter we were able to go in and read books to the dogs and cats. Or during quarantine, they are looking for foster homes which means temporary care until the facility re-opens.

5. Search something like “top new series on ________(choose your viewing vendor of choice)” or “happy television shows.”

6. I like to keep blank cards stocked in my cupboard, but if you don’t have any just use paper of course. Write something simple such as “just thinking of you and hope you are well,” then tell a bit about what you’ve been up to. When writing a letter, people like to hear positive news so try to stick to the basics or stick to letting them know you’re thinking of them.

7. Set out on a journey! Some of the prettiest places I have found started with no particular plan.

8. Similar to number 3, the only difference being baked good rather than a meal.

9. A few ideas - jog, yoga, pilates, barre, weights. Regardless of what you choose, you can search examples of routines to follow. If you enjoy it, perhaps you can find a new app for it.

10. Simply search “Ted Talks about________.” I have learned about a great many topics watching Ted Talks. A few of my favorites are listed in the post for World Autism Awareness Day (I have a list of 5 favorites there).

11. If you don’t have a puzzle, today is a good day to order one and maybe switch today’s activity with another day.

12. Pick a closet! I love to search things like “organization tips” or “closet organization ideas.”

13. Head to a local hardware or gardening store and pick up a few seeds, soil, and if you don’t have something already on hand to plant them in, grab paper cups or eggs so you can use the carton. Look up “starting an indoor garden” and enjoy!

14. Any book. If libraries are open, go to the nearest one and find a book. If you don’t have a library card, talk to one of the librarians and they will help you. It’s free. If libraries are closed, order one for delivery or if you have a device that you can read on, you can download from Amazon. A good place to start is “book club books.”

15. Through a window, sitting outside, or on a walk - closely observe the birds around you. What do they look like, can you find a mama and babies, listen to their sounds, watch for behaviors such as competing for space or finding food, any nests nearby?

16. This one is straightforward. After searching a certain type of music, you might head over to YouTube and check out a few songs. Download to a device if you find someone you like! This was how I found Alec Benjamin, Otis Redding, and Leon Bridges - a few of my favorites. I also love Weekend Youth out of Napa.

17. Make sure you have the supplies of course! Try something new…who cares if it doesn’t work, the process is the fun part, the finished product is a bonus if it works.

18. Easy. Look up ‘minimalism’ if you have trouble getting started. Clear out the clutter!

19. If you need ideas, hop onto pinterest or any other search engine to explore set-up ideas of different types of rooms.

20. Browse the grocery store and see what stands out. You can always search ways to prepare particular veggies if they aren’t tasty when raw.

21. If you’re like me and have no idea how to do yoga, look up a few moves or follow an online video.

22. If you can’t make it to the store, make your own.

23. If you don’t know how to play solitaire, you can look up how to play. It’s really simple and very fun! There are many options of playing on a device if you don’t have a deck of cards, but if you have or can get a hold of a deck of cards try playing with the real thing. It’s better for your brain.

24. If you’re like me, you have a bunch of photos in your phone you will probably never look at again. Go through and delete some to make room for new ones and to clean out your photo box in order to really enjoy the ones you have. If possible, print one! You can go into Walgreens.com, snapfish or other digital photo printing places, or any other local store that prints photos. They typically cost less than a dollar and are so nice to have displayed in your living space.

25. Self explanatory. Make sure your tires have air. If you want a bike and don’t have one, keep an eye out at local thrift stores or sporting goods stores. Everyone should own a bike.

26. Simple, just search topics you enjoy. theminimalists.com is my favorite and one that made me realize how useful they can be.

27. The only difference between this one and number 1 is that for this one you might try heading up onto a dirt track or to a nearby state park. I met a woman once who said every time she felt anxious she would make herself go outside and find at least one thing in nature she had never seen before, then would examine it. We are so lucky for nature!

28. You can purchase one or just use paper of any kind. Start jotting down what you do each day, maybe a way you are feeling, a new thought you’ve had, maybe a question you’ve been pondering… Not only is journal writing good for the mind, it is a great way to look back and remember, it helps us to articulate and sort out our thoughts, it puts situations in perspective, and it often prompts new ideas and ways of thinking.

29. This is random, yes - but so fun to do! Are you familiar with the Okapi? Or have you really examined the life patters of a hippo? OR Podcast if you know how. Great motivating ones to begin with are Jocko Willink or Grace Church Reno.

30. Any search engine will help with this, but Pinterest is a fun one for lists. Thank you for getting this far, I hope you have found something new you enjoy!

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)

Just kidding, there is no possible way I could attempt to explain Autism Spectrum Disorders in one post. But I did make a few lists of 5 that I think can be helpful to people! If you have a “top 5” or an idea for a top 5, post it in the comments and we can add to the post.

First up, my favorite TedTalks about Neurodiversity:

The Autism Experience, Samuel Beldie

The Truth About Growing Up Disabled, Dylan Alcott

Love, No Matter What, Andrew Solomon

Why Everything You Know About Autism is Wrong, Jac den Houting

I Got 99 Problems…Palsy is Just One, Maysoon Zayid

5 Environmental Components

We want to create environments that are “friendly” to people with typical and atypical neurological development. While every individual is unique, some fairly universal components of environment to pay attention to when building environments conducive to people with or without ASD are as follows.

Lighting and Seating

Arrangement of People

Predictable and Consistent Schedule

Language Usage (clear, concise)

Sensory Input (e.g.,. control of sounds)

5 Misconceptions About Autism Spectrum Disorders

No qualifier should be used to describe all individuals in any group of people unless the group is specifically designed around particular qualifiers. Rather than dispelling each of the following generalizations which become misconceptions when used inaccurately, let’s just do this: in life, talk to people before making assumptions. There is way too much variability and nuance involved in human beings as well as in each of the following factors to globally attach them to each other (the humans to the factors). While some of the following may be true for some people with ASD, the same could be said for people not diagnosed with ASD. Depending on who we are describing, the following could be partially true, completely untrue, require further explanation, and so forth. In a nutshell, the following descriptors become misconceptions when used as generalizations.

Preference to be alone

Gifted in one particular skill

“high functioning” and “low functioning”

Void of emotions

Lack of sense of humor

Remember to leave a comment if you have an idea for a top 5 or even if you have a list you’d like to share!

As always, to everyone out there regardless of life circumstances, age, ability, and more -

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

I want to go camping

Go camping.

What might prevent a person from going?

Not sure how to get a campsite

Worried about other people and/or wildlife

Cost (gear, campsites, other)

What about bathrooms, showers, and other hygiene

Don’t know what to pack

Unsure what a day will be like

 

Getting a site

Online ahead of time  or Walk Up

It’s worthwhile to search online for different sites based on the area and/or type you are looking for, however not all campgrounds have websites or will come up in searches. Asking around for suggestions is a great way to find out good places to go because you can narrow the field to things like “campgrounds for tents that have running water,” or “campgrounds near a lake or river.” Some people prefer campgrounds where people are close together, while others enjoy a more solitary experience.

When you arrive at a campsite, either there may be a window when you drive up or at some you go straight to a site and a ranger will approach you to welcome and check you in. At sites where there is not a window when you drive up, there will be envelopes or little papers to fill out to sign yourself in. With this method, you will put your money in the envelope and turn it into a designated box hear the entrance, and you will put the little card with your information on a post at your site.

Backwoods or Backyard Camping

Backwoods camping is located in wilderness that doesn’t have set sites or ways to make reservations. National Parks, regional trails, and areas away from civilization is a good example and comes with its own rules. Always check the area you are traveling ahead of time. There won’t be any rangers to help so plan very carefully and always let someone know where you are planning to go. You will want to pack light because you will be carrying everything you need. Stores that are helpful include REI, Cabella’s, Dick’s Sporting Goods, and other sports stores. There are no bathrooms either.

Backyard camping is one of the easiest to enjoy the outdoors. All the comforts of home are within reach and you don’t need to worry about getting a site or staying in the wilderness. Pop your tent up and insert your sleeping bag. The rest is up to you! 

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Concerns relieved

MOST campgrounds have a resident ranger of sorts who is there to keep an eye out for behavior of campers, cleanliness of the site, and wildlife patterns.

“Bear boxes” are at campsites to lock all of your food up – this will keep wildlife away. Be sure to use these!

It is not typical for campers from other sites to approach or interact unless you initiate it (beyond typical manners such as saying “hi” or other greetings). In other words, nobody is going to bother you.

You will get dirty, and it’s ok! It’s actually one of the joys of camping. It’s “clean dirt” meaning it’s different than germs - it has no pathogens.

“Look into nature and you will understand everything better. ~Albert Einstein”

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Paying to camp

Campsites will tell you the cost per night when you search.

Take cash with you (various bills to help with odd charges such as $22).

Campsites you book online will likely have you pay at the time of booking, right there on the website.

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Packing lists

Minimalist camping list

Good for one night, people who do not want to do dishes, pack/unpack much, etc.

ADDITIONAL GOOD IDEAS

Water – at least a gallon to put out the fire at night and when you leave. You can always refill at a faucet if needed

Wood for the fire (you can buy packs at most grocery stores or gas stations during camping months)

If using this list, bring prepared foods or ones you can make ahead such as bagels, yogurt, sandwiches.

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More thorough list

If you plan to stay more than one night, and/or if you want to cook food

All of the above, plus:

Camping stove

Basic utensils (tongs, spatula, large spoon/fork – depends on what you plan to cook)

Plates and eating utensils (can use paper or plastic)

Coffee mugs

Garbage bag of some sort to hang for easy use

Skillet/pot

Citronella candle (to keep bugs away)

Games/books

Paper Towels

Ax or hatchet to chop more wood for your fires

Salt/Pepper

Soap and/or shower wipes

Flip Flops to wear in the shower

Towel

Food and drink ingredients

Don’t forget the marshmallows and skewers!

*You can do an internet search for ideas of foods to make while camping and ingredients/instructions for making them.

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Most thorough list

optional items for any length of camping trip for those who enjoy going above and beyond

Table Cloth

Mat to wipe feet before entering tent

Centerpiece for table

Cots for under sleeping bags

Shovel

Radio

Hammock

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Optional packing list for recreation

Depending on what you enjoy doing while camping, here are ideas of what to bring to get the most out of your trip:

Ball

Fishing pole

Bike

Raft or flotation devices

Cards

Board Games

Binoculars

If you think you are going to fish, be sure to get a fishing license. They are easy to obtain and usually relatively inexpensive. If you go to a sporting goods store they can help you out with a license and what you will need to go fishing.

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Bathrooms, hygiene, and self care

When you search for sites they will tell you if they have showers. If you prefer not to take showers, bring shower wipes.

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A typical day of camping

Of course everyone enjoys camping in their own way, a general guideline of what to expect is a little bit nice if like me, you like to know what to expect and what a day might look like.

Typically, upon arrival it takes anywhere from a half hour to a few hours to set up camp. This simply means unloading your vehicle putting things where they go. This is the time to set up the tent so you don’t have to do it in the dark, put items in the bear box (lockable food storage) if you would like, gather wood for your fire, and put items in the tent you’ll need at night.

After set up, most people like to walk around the camp area to see what’s around. This is a fun time to do a miniature hike or exploration of the grounds. If nothing else, find where the water source and restroom (if applicable) can be located.

After that it’s pretty much play and eat time! This is why people love to camp. If it’s meal time, eat. If you have free time, drive (or walk, or bike) to the nearest water source, play a game, read a book, take a nap, climb a boulder, or just sit and watch nature. The ample time is one of the reasons people enjoy cooking while camping. When there are no other time requirements it’s a little more enjoyable to prepare a meal, enjoy the meal, and clean up afterward. I personally do not enjoy this, but I could watch my dad do it for hours because of how much he enjoys it.

It is wise to start a campfire before the sun sets. It keeps the bugs away, works as a heat and light source, and often is a tool used for cooking. Like setting up the tent, it’s easier to build a fire when there’s still daylight. See ‘how to create and maintain a campfire’ below for more information.

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How to build and maintain a campfire

Most large grocery chains now sell boxes of firewood. It is smart to have it with you in case you can’t find it in nature when you get to the campsite. Also, fire starters can be bought at sports stores or the market that come in a small package and say they will catch fire even in wet, rainy conditions. On cold mornings you will be glad you had these.

Most, in not all, campsites have designated campfire sites (fire pits) so the fire can’t spread past them. Place the fire starters in the fire pit and place small twigs, leaves, and sticks or the small pieces of wood in the box you bought on top of them. Put larger sticks or wood on the small stuff and cross the next layer at right angles over them so that there are always air spaces up through the pile.

Before leaving your campsite to head home it is crucial to make sure the fire is fully out. You will want to douse it in water, stir it up to look for embers, and continue to water until you are sure it is no longer burning. Many uncontrolled fires start because of someone leaving a fire before it was fully out. You can always ask the camp ranger to check before you go.

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“Nature knows no indecencies: man invents them. ”

— Mark Twain

Celebrate

While camping is a lot of work in the preparation and set up stages, it is also impossible not to come home with memories that last a lifetime. Whether you are there for 24 hours or a few days, being outside, sitting around a campfire, sleeping in a tent all leave a deep feeling of peace. There are times when I felt a little bit uneasy the whole time camping, but when I got home all I had were fond feelings about the experience. It is extremely hard to explain how it works, but I can’t recommend enough to get out there and give it a try.

AND BE SURE TO TAKE PICTURES!

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

St. Patrick's Day Fun

St. Patrick’s Day

Origin of St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations

Will you be celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day with a feast and religious services? Maybe attending a parade? Hopefully you will at least wear green. We have veered a bit here in North America from how the Irish originally paid tribute to the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick. It is said that Ireland has adopted some of the traditions created here in America for the sake of tourism (smart), however the shenanigans were not an original part of the tribute. Leave it to Americans to dye our rivers green (Chicago) even though the original color of the holiday was blue, and to get langers on green beer wearing shamrock headbands and green tights to celebrate what was once a religious holiday.

March 17th (the day Saint Patrick died) - While we revel in leprechaun pranks and corned beef, in Ireland there are feasts and religious ceremonies. The Irish form of tribute on this holiday is more aligned with the patron saint himself, as he was most honored for his mission work and for converting mass quantities of people to Christianity.

Trivia

Do you know the difference between the 4 leaf clover and a shamrock?
A 4 leaf clover is considered lucky because they are difficult to find and are known to represent faith, luck, hope, and love . A shamrock represents St. Patrick’s day as it dates back to the religious origins and represents the holy trinity, father son and Holy Spirit.

Speak like a leprechaun (or an Irishman/woman)

Words for the pub

Descriptions for people you know

When you are “hungry enough to eat the 12 apostles”

Things to do on St. Patrick’s Day

• Watch a parade

• Participate in it attend a themed fun run

• Eat corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes Corned Beef Dinner Recipe, Delish.com

• Decorate (the dollar store has great decorations) Dollor Store Decorations

• Use Irish slang

• Participate in or attend St. Baldrick’s Event near you

• Make meals themed in green Green food ideas

• Wear green!
  

  To find a parade in your area, just search “st patrick’s day parades in (your town).” It’s wise to search a couple weeks early since some will occur prior to the holiday.

  I also like to search for promotions such as themed meals at restaurants, seasonal treats, and so forth. I love a “limited time offer!” If you are old enough and enjoy a beer or two, pubs and bars often have a green beer deal going on either the weekend before or on March 17th .

  You know Pinterest will have all sorts of ideas for meals, outfits, games, and more.
  
  

  Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!
  

Wine Tasting - It's for Everyone

Everything you Need to Know to Go Wine Tasting

Ever see pictures of people wine tasting and wonder what it’s like? What does it involve? What even is “wine tasting?” Me too!

The good news: it’s really easy! And fun!

Planning a Wine Tasting Trip

There are multiple “wine countries.” Wine country simply means an area where there are multiple wineries/viineyards in close proximity. Two of our favorites are Napa Valley and Amador County (both in Northern California). You can find your own wine country, but I mention my two favorites to create a forum to point out how different the experience can be based on where you choose to go.

Napa Valley is the quintessential wine tasting experience, so to speak. Some of the best wine in the country (maybe the world) comes from this area. You can have a picnic at one winery and head down the street for an exquisite seated tasting (possibly even in a cave). Visitors to this area include bridal parties, families, elderly couples and everyone in between. Many people dress in classy/trendy attire. An internet search “wine tasting outfits” will return many results. *Tastings at each winery cost approximately $10 per person up to $100 per person for the fancier places (which need a reservation). A sample schedule for the day can be found at the bottom of this post.

*Tastings: when you go into the wineries, you walk up and they start pouring tastes of wine for you (they choose which ones).

Amador is another Northern California wine tasting area. It is laid back, has mostly free tastings, and no call-for-ride options (cabs, Uber, etc.) because it’s so small. You can typically only taste on weekends because many wineries are closed weekdays or have very short hours. People wear whatever they want and the whole area has a very casual atmosphere. A sample schedule for wine tasting in Amador County can be found at the bottom of this post.

Transportation

Option 1: drive yourself

Depending on the amount of wine you plan to drink, it is wise to plan for the driving situation. Having a designated driver is lucky. Most of the time if you are just casually wine tasting, you will stay within the safe range for driving. However, if you are going with a group or to celebrate an occasion, it is wise to plan to not have to drive.

Option 2: group transportation

If you are going with a group, it is pretty reasonable (price wise) and fun to book some sort of driving “tour.” Areas that have multiple wineries, you can find a variety of these options if you search online. Limosines are fun (so I hear) but not the only option.

Vendors will be as involved or uninvolved as you’d like. In other words, the driver can do everything from choose your wineries and arrange where you’ll eat, or they can just drive quietly where you ask them to go and stay out of your plans.

For those who appreciate knowing what to expect: in group rides, you can always call the vendor ahead of time to ask any questions you may have. A few standard things to expect:

You schedule your time and it’s usually 3-4 hours. Don’t make the mistake of stretching your wine tasting so long that you expire past your schedule transportation unless you don’t mind walking home or picking up a new ride when you’re finished. One year after splurging to get a limousine with some friends, we ended up walking home from dinner in the rain.

Don’t mess with the car too much. If you have to adjust your seat, fine. But that’s about it. Usually the driver even likes to manage opening and closing the doors.

You can leave things in the car, such as bags of food for a picnic, jackets, and other belongings.

Tip the driver when you’re finished. 10-20%, just like restaurants.

Option 3: public transportation

Many areas where there are wineries there are also public transportation systems such as wine trains or buses. You can search the area you plan to go to see the options ahead of time.

Lodging

Once you decide on the general area you’d like to go, find a hotel. You will want somewhere to stay after a day of tasting wine.

The Amador County area is not huge, so there are only a handful of places to stay. We recently stayed at the Hanford House and it is so far our favorite. It’s in Sutter Creek, an adorable “downtown” with a couple shops and small cafes. It’s about a 15 minute drive to wineries. If you stay closer to the wineries, you give up being near shops and eating options. The Hanford House is perfect if you like simple and private combined with quaint and clean. A delicious hearty breakfast is included in their on-site restaurant. Visit https://www.hanfordhouse.com for availability and pictures.

There are many choices of places to stay in the Napa Valley area. If you want to be off the beaten path, you might be interested in the St. Helena area. The actual town of Napa is fun, however it is not as central to what most of us imagine as “wine country” and not as close to wineries. Due to its popularity, beauty, and the plethora of wineries, Napa Valley is more expensive than smaller areas when it comes to lodging.

Logistics

Commonly people make it to about 4-6 wineries in a day. You do not have to drink wine at all of them. Some have eating areas, some have great tours through the vineyards or caves, and some have other areas you can look through such as art galleries or shops.

Preview wineries (look them up) before you go so you have an idea of how much their tastings cost, where you can picnic or find dinner, and so forth. Some wineries only have certain types of wines so you may either gravitate toward or away based on preferences. Finding out ahead of time whether or not certain wineries require reservations can save time and help with planning your day.

Making it Fun

Thankfully for all of us, some really creative (and obviously fun) people have created various games to play while wine tasting. On various search engines (you know I love some Pinterest!) you can find all kinds of activities, challenges, games to play while tasting wine. Scavenger hunts are fun but require a great deal of bravery in approaching strangers at time.

Insider Information

OK, I’m not really an insider. But I have been to a winery or two. And here’s what I have found.

• There’s no right or wrong way to taste wine. Just taste it.

• When you walk in, walk right up to the counter

• Don’t tip

• Buy wine (many times the tasting will be waived)

• Pace yourself

Whether you are just looking forward to a fun outing or seeking out new wines to add to your repertoire (and wine rack), wine tasting can be one of the most relaxing and renewing activities out there. Make it your own by planning around your own interests and style!

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Music Festival Fun

Taking the Mystery Out of Music Festivals

Attending a music festival is FUN. Once you know what to do, where to go, what to bring, how it all works. There are multiple ways to approach a festival and everyone will do it their own way, but there are guidelines to make it more enjoyable. I am no expert (I’ve only attended one) but I know who to go to for the best information. I felt completely prepared for my first one, only because I had asked around. The effort is completely worth it! Festivals are an incredible, safe way to see talented musicians and multiple concerts in one place. Some of the shows have very small crowds, which is a dream come true when seeing live music.

Logistics

Which Tickets Do I Need?

Festivals often offer various ticket options. If you only want to go one day, check out which bands are playing each day (I know, duh) but also consider whether or not you want to stay in a hotel more than one night and other factors along those lines.

Parking and Transportation

If you are driving yourself, parking can be a big deal. Search ahead of time online where the good places to park in the are will be. You don’t want to get caught in a situation where you either can’t find a spot or you are paying much more than you intended to.

Using something like Uber or Lyft can be the safest, hassle free way to get to any major event. They can drop you right at hte entrance and you won’t have to worry about parking or getting to/from the event from your parking spot.

What To Bring

If you don’t have a plastic (or) see-through bag, you’ll need one if you’re bringing more than what fits in your pockets.

Minimalists: wallet, phone, sunglasses, sweatshirt/light jacket

Practicalists: wallet, phone, sunglasses, sweatshirt/light jacket, poncho if it might rain, lip gloss/chapstick

Go-Getters: wallet, phone, sunglasses, sweatshirt/light jacket, poncho if it might rain, lip gloss/chapstick, binoculars, hat, sunscreen

Tickets

You can search for festivals, there is always at least one coming up. The sooner you catch an upcoming festival the better chance you have of getting tickets you want. For example, maybe you only want a ticket for one day at Bottlerock - you’ll want to get that option of a ticket before they sell out. One day tickets are often the first to go.

YOU CAN ATTEND THE AMOUNT OF DAYS YOU CHOOSE AND THE PRICE IS ADJUSTED ACCORDINGLY. Once I learned I could pay less and only go one day I was in! This saved me money on the hotel, food, and obviously tickets. However! The benefit to getting multiple day tickets is that the per day price goes down.

Overnight Accommodations

Hotels are often extremely expensive and run out of rooms far in advance of the weekend of a music festival. If there is any way you can stay in a nearby town (basically, if you or someone you are with will be sober enough to drive or if you can use a ride share option) this is by far the most cost efficient way to go.

Many people camp. Campsites are even quite expensive near a festival, so plan accordingly. Additionally, they book up far in advance.

What to Expect

There are multiple ways to enjoy a festival. In addition to the multiple stage options at any given time, there are also food stations, games, relaxation areas, demonstrations, dance areas such as silent discos, and more.
Most festivals have an app, all have a website. Go on a couple weeks before (and probably many times up until the event) and start looking at the schedules and layout of the festival if there's a map. It is recommended to at least plan out a couple major shows you want to see so you don’t miss them and then for the rest you can see what looks fun once you’re there. But if there are things you absolutely don’t want to miss, you need to know what time and where to be.
Bring cash, but vendors accept alternate versions such as pay options through your phone and debit cards. When you get inside, maybe plan your day (at least tentatively) if you haven’t already. This will save money and will help you get to the things you want.

What to Wear to a Music Festival

Unless on some off chance the festival is indoors, outfit planning should start with a weather check. Next, hop online and take a look at what people wear to festivals. At any festival you attend, there will be a wide range of what people are wearing. Aside from personal style statements and choosing clothes that make you feel like your best you, there are a few general keys to success. Wear comfortable shoes. Sandals or boots for women, and just about anything goes for men. Choose a comfortable outfit that you can wear all day, and allows you to sit on the ground and move freely in. Nobody wants their top to fall down while dancing in the Silent Disco! Accessories are fun - just remember you have to have them with you all day long so think about comfort and practicality.

Leaving Time

Give yourself plenty of time to get out of the festival and to your transportation or sleeping situation. If you don’t like crowds, leave during the final featured artists. You'll be first to the ride shares, there’ll be no crowd at the exit gates, and clear sidewalks. If you’re walking alone, stay alert and near other safe groups of people.

Lastly

Have fun revisiting your pictures and videos! Going back through them will immediately bring back all the great memories. Post to social media! I love hearing about up and coming artists and learning about new trends (for example, what a silent disco is) from people who attend festivals.

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

How to Handle Disappointment

Disappointment Comes in Many Shapes and Sizes

disappointment: sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations

My daughter who is in middle school recently faced the biggest disappointment of her life thus far. I’ve had quite a few disappointments myself, and I can say this one was a real doozie. To honor her privacy I’m going to spare the details but trust me when I say the details are what magnified the blow. Moving forward, my hope for her is that she remains as kind, optimistic, and humble as she is proving to be right now. The way she encourages others in the midst of her pain and embarrassment says more about her character than any circumstance ever could. In this situation she is choosing to persevere, knowing perseverance will come with a price (by “sticking with it,” her circumstances are visible to everyone else). These are choices. At the height of her disappointment, she is consciously choosing not to curl up in a ball, which honestly sometimes feels like the easier option. Don’t get me wrong, there have been tears. There have been comments that sent my heart into my throat. The events related to this disappointment will last about 6 weeks, and the emotional effects of this event will likely last a lifetime. The emotional effects aren’t necessarily negative though. See, that’s what makes disappointment unique. While it hurts initially, it also has potential help us develop as a person. Our choices in the moments surrounding our disappointment dictate how we let it impact us. We can choose to learn. We can choose to look to people who lift us up and stick with them. We can choose to build on our strengths. We can choose to celebrate the strengths of others.

“The way she encouraged others...said more about her character than the circumstances ever could”

The hope

The good news in all of this is that we can control our choices. We can’t control circumstances or people, but we control our responses. Yes, my daughter could have chosen to curl up in a ball or hide from the world for a while. She could have chosen to blame certain people or point out fault in the given situation (trust me, the opportunities were there). She could have chosen to be bitter, angry, jealous, and/or even self-righteous. She could have chosen to bring down others. Perhaps these choices would have helped her survive the difficult circumstance at the time, however none of them would have changed the circumstances. At least not forever. And she certainly wouldn’t have felt any better.
You know what does have lasting gratification and long term effects? Choosing not to succumb to the disappointment. My daughter chose to hold her head up high despite the unbearable weight of disappointment trying to pull it down. It’s as though her resistance to the disappointment through sheer grit and determination tangibly chipped away at the weight. I learned more about resilience by watching a 12 year old choose to put one step in front of the other and continue to be encouraging during her disappointment than I ever could have prepared for by reading about it or searching for inspirational quotes (I did both by the way). The disappointment that was initially palpable and all-consuming, was pushed into the shadows. It lurked, waiting to take over again. In fact, it’s still waiting. But every time she gives a compliment either to or about someone, the disappointment loses power. Every time she says “I’m going to keep trying” the disappointment loses power. When someone does something to include her or says something encouraging, the disappointment loses a whole lot of power. When you have your moment in the spotlight or circumstances are in your favor, be aware of those who are fighting the beast of disappointment. Your love and kindness will exponentially help this fight.

“Every time she says “I’m going to keep trying” the disappointment loses power. ”

The Anatomy And Impact of Disappointment

Disappointments can be small, or they can be big. Some are short-lived while others last forever. Some disappointments are a one-time blow while some are ongoing. By definition, disappointment begins with an excitement, a goal, a positive look ahead, and crashes down into sadness, sometimes a deep sadness. Regardless of shape and size, all disappointments impact our soul. We have choice and control over the level of impact. We either choose to let it grow us as a person or we let it cripple us. We can let it harden our heart, or soften our heart. We can try to sabotage each other or build each other up. We can wish ill on others or cheer for them. We can focus on the people we disagree with or we can surround ourselves with stronger, more positive people. The impact of disappointment can be leveraged by the amount of resilience a person is able to apply. Thankfully, resilience is not static - it is a concept and thought process we can work to strengthen over time. This does not mean we have to get used to negative situations. It means we don’t have to be defined by negative situations or sit back and accept them. According to an article by various contributors published by the American Psychological Association, “resilience involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn and develop” (apa.org, 2012). This is good news for all of us! For more information on this topic, check out https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience.

Responding to Disappointment

While we can’t avoid disappointment completely, we can avoid and minimize the impact of some disappointments. A couple tips that might help:

• Choose kindness. Kindness will choose you in return.

• Keep good company. If a friend continually disappoints you, stop hanging out with them.
  If it’s a family member, come up with mental tools to minimize the effects of their actions (or in-actions).

• Choose optimism

• Continually take steps whether large or small toward goals. If you don’t have goals, refer to the New Year, New Goals post on this site. But keep moving.

• Smile. Even when you don’t feel like it. Not all the time, but at least sometimes.

• Remember disappointment is normal.

• Look forward, even when it means having to look past someone or some circumstance blocking your vision. Outlast them.

• Find better people.

• Journal. Seriously, try it. Jot down events, how you feel each day, or whatever comes to mind. You’ll probably find this to help put things in perspective.

  If there’s a coach or employer who denies you when you know you were worthy of a position, there’s a stronger coach or employer out there somewhere you haven’t met yet. If a relationship doesn’t work out even when it seemed perfect, disappointment is there to tell you it wasn’t the right relationship for you after all. When a loved one disappoints you, remember you can’t control their actions but you can control your response.
  There’s a song by Hillsong United, “Another In the Fire,” I highly recommend.

If you find yourself in an emotional pit you can’t seem to get out of (such as deep sadness, or long-term low self esteem), the strongest move you can make is to seek help. There are people who know what to say and what you need to do. If you don’t know where to find these people, ask around. Someone will know someone. That’s how the world works.

Boy at the top of stairs on a mature trail

Disappointment is painful enough. Don’t let it suck you in, weigh you down. Chip away at it by moving forward in the least expected but most effective ways. Don’t freeze up. The disappointment will swallow you. Move forward. Leave it in a puddle behind you, no matter how long it takes to inch out in front of it. It will eventually lose track of you.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

— MLK

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Valentine's Day

Love Yourself, Love Valentine’s Day

Why does Valentine’s Day trigger a panic response for some people? Or a sadness for others? Who even knows why we all got sucked into thinking a companionship was a prerequisite to enjoying the holiday? Let’s make Valentine’s Day a day to celebrate ourselves! We ALL have a Valentine. Just look in the mirror! You know who your first love should be? Yourself. If you are in a relationship, that can be a whole different set of stressors on this holiday. Don’t let it be. Talk to your love interest and decide on a reasonable way to acknowledge or celebrate the holiday.

What if when people asked, “are you getting anyone something for Valentine’s Day?” you replied, “Actually, yes - I’m treating myself to a day at the spa,” or “I sure am - I’m going to my favorite restaurant I only go to on special occasions,” or “yep - I’m getting the salted caramels I only buy for Valentine’s Day.”

To write this post I started by researching the origin of Valentine’s Day in an attempt to understand how we got to this place of thinking we have to be in a relationship or have a special crush to participate in the holiday. Interestingly, it’s very difficult to find a consistent answer. European countries seem to celebrate the holiday similarly to the United States with minor variations and specifications from country to country. I read from multiple sources how “non-Christian nations do not celebrate Valentine’s Day,” which led me to wonder then, is it a Christian holiday? No, people don’t head to church because it’s Valentine’s Day. However, it’s an interesting notion nonetheless.

Most of the legends, origins, whatever we want to call them lead to some sort of a profession of love. The GREAT NEWS is that we don’t have to wait for someone else to shower us with chocolates and flowers. Nor do we have to go searching for that special someone to call our Valentine. That special someone is you! Love on yourself this Valentine’s Day. If fresh flowers on your counter top brings you joy, go buy some fresh flowers and don’t feel guilty about spending the money. If seasonal candy calls your name every time you walk by that aisle, treat yourself and savor every last bite. A sprinkle of Valentine’s Day decor in any living space can put a smile on anyone’s face. Go for it! Use a special mug with a cute Valentine picture for the month of February? How about all of the above? Yes please!

Love yourself. You are the perfect match for you. In fact, you should go make a list of reasons you love yourself. Later, if you decide to share your heart with someone, make sure they appreciate and acknowledge those traits.

Let’s just imagine, hypothetically, the ‘worst case scenario’ of someone challenging why you are celebrating Valentine’s Day if you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend (not likely, but trying to make a point here). It might be worth it to ask why they think a relationship is a requirement. Do they know the history of the holiday? Card companies, flower shops, candy makers, and others have shaped it into what it is today. What a shame if we pass these wonderful pleasures up unnecessarily! Do we have to be Irish to wear green, participate in a leprechaun fun run, or eat corned beef on St. Patrick’s Day? Nope.

Another thing I’m unsure of is what changes from elementary school to middle school when it comes to celebrating Valentine’s Day. As children we were so excited to give cards and maybe even treats to all of our classmates. Abruptly in middle school everything gets awkward, including the unwritten policy of how to exchange cards and gifts (or not). All of a sudden Valentine’s Day becomes a day of stress about who’s going to get something from someone. By the way, I don’t recommend this method of letting someone know you are interested in them. If you happen to know kids at this tender age, fill them in on how to treat themselves rather than waiting on someone else. It’s also important to talk about real relationships, but that’s a whole new conversation. Let’s go back to getting things for everyone, that was fun!

Recap:

You do have a Valentine (hint: it’s you)

Make a list of the reasons you love yourself

Turn your focus on to what you’ll do to celebrate this joyful holiday

soak up the treats and seasonal flare

And remember…take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Flying

Traveling By Plane

Good Online Searches Before Flying

“how to make flying easier”

“how to prepare for the security check”

“What do I need to fly”

Sometimes you can search the airports you will be either stopping at or flying to/from and see pictures or maps of them. This might be interesting but is not necessary, as the signs in airports are very clear. Of course some airports are easier than others to navigate.

Purchasing tickets:

It’s wise to look at a few airlines before making a purchase. As soon as you have a plan to travel, you should begin looking at ticket prices. Don’t buy them right away though, prices seem to fluctuate rise and fall so it’s worthwhile to check back a few times to watch for what seems to be a low price.

Most airlines have an app you can download. It’s recommended to do so, as this is a method the airline uses to communicate flight updates such as reminders to print tickets, when to “check in online,”, gate changes, and so forth. At times the apps can be frustrating, but I figure the more ways to sign up to receive information from the airline, the better chance of getting all necessary information.

Boarding Passes

Starting 24 hours before your flight time, you can go online, sign in, and print your boarding pass. You will need one for each leg of your flight. You can download them to your phone as well for convenience. Another option is to wait until you get to the airport where they’ll give you one when you check in. There will also be kiosks at the airline desks where you can self check if you are comfortable doing so. With a boarding pass you are able to go through the security checkpoint to enter the terminal. You will also use it to show the attendant who allows you to board the plane. The boarding pass will have your row and seat number.

Arrival at the Airport

If you are driving yourself, signs to the parking will direct you to short term (up to 3 days) or long term lots. You will get on a shuttle that will take you to your terminal. It will make several stops to pick up other travelers and will stop at all the different airline drop off points. If the shuttle driver didn’t ask which one you need, either tell him/her or just watch for that airline and get off as close to it as you can.

If someone is driving you to the airport there are signs when you approach the terminal (where you will board the plane) to say “Arrivals’ or “Departures”. Since you already have your ticket you know which airline to go toward at the departures and you can be dropped off right in front of that airline at the curb.

The people that work outside and load/carry luggage work for the airport. They expect a tip (usually $5-$10 is appropriate for one or two people). You really do not need them to help you. Just make your way to check in at your airline.

Checking In

The people working the desks at each airline check in area are very helpful. Sometimes they sound impatient but don’t let that bother you, it isn’t personal. Despite possible impatience, they are very helpful. They will check in your bags (if you are checking them in). This is where they will give you the boarding passes, or you can use the kiosks. If you are not checking a bag, the kiosk is a great option.

Important: If you are able to keep your things to one bag, small enough to meet the airline guidelines for carry-on, you do not need to check in a bag.  You still need to check yourself in though, and get your boarding pass.

Benefits of fitting everything into one bag and carrying it on:

No fee for checking a bag

No risk of luggage being lost or damaged. I personally have peace of mind keeping my stuff with me at all times

You have everything you might need right at your fingertips while you are travelling

No need to wait at baggage claim when you arrive at your destination

Downside of fitting everything into one bag and carrying it on:

You cannot take certain items on an airplane (check security guidelines online)

You’ll have more things to carry through the airport and onto the plane

It might be more difficult to get to critical items easily, including once you are on the plane

*If you decide to check a bag, you can take a smaller bag on the plane as a carry on. If you take small luggage and do not check a bag, I recommend putting a smaller bag inside this small suitcase which you can pull out once you get on the plane and keep it with you at your seat.

Items to take in a carry on

Additional items you might want if you don’t mind a bit more “clutter” in your bag:

Once you have checked in and have your boarding pass in hand, walk toward the terminals. You will go through the security check. Have your identification and boarding pass in your hand.

Safety Screening

You will be required to go through a screening area where you throw out liquids more than 3 ounces, remove all metal from your pockets, cell phones, computers, belts, and shoes. It may be helpful to wear slip on shoes. Backpacks and purses must be scanned as well. Put them in small trays and they will go through an x-ray machine. You may be asked to step forward where a person may pat you to see if you have metal or anything that can be used for a weapon. Although it may be uncomfortable, just take a deep breath and remember it is common practice.

Once through the security check, it’s best to find your gate before going to find food or whatever else you might do to fill the time until your flight. Your boarding pass will tell you what time boarding will begin.

Preparing to Board and Boarding the Plane

Get to the gate designated on your boarding pass you were given at check in. It is wise to either check at the counter when you arrive at your gate (there should be an employee standing there assisting people) or check the screens that tell departure gates. They tend to get changed and you don’t want to wait at the wrong gate. Your boarding pass should have your row and seat number, and some airlines may have a group number. Wait for your group or category to be announced and proceed to the attendant who scans your boarding pass and you are on your way to the plane

On the Plane

Once you find your seat, you can either place your carry-on bag up above in the ‘overhead compartment’ or under the seat in front of you.

Look through the items in the pocket of the seat in front of you. In either the airline magazine or a pamphlet, you will find a list of drinks and snacks served. Alcoholic beverages and food costs extra money. Soda, coffee, water, tea, and juice are free.

If you do not feel like talking to people near you, simply answer basic questions then open a book or some other activity. If you like to talk to new people, be sure to watch for social signals that they want to talk or not talk and move forward accordingly. If a person asks you questions back, they probably are enjoying talking. If they don’t want to talk, they’ll answer briefly then look away or do one of their activities.

You can put your seat back if you are going to rest by pushing the little button on the inside of the arm of the chair.

Try not to bump the seat in front of you. This includes bringing the tray in front of you which is attached to the person’s seat in front of you, up and down more than necessary.

There are ear bud connectors in most arm chairs. You can plug yours in if you brought some and listen to music or if applicable, watch the tv (depends on the plane and flight length).

Night flights

AKA red-eyes are flights that go through the night hours. If you want to have your light on, be aware of when most are off and turn yours off too. People are trying to sleep. Get everything you need out ahead of time, hopefully you used the restroom before boarding, and if you’re lucky you will fall asleep as well.

Seating Tips In a Nutshell

Because the seating is so close on a plane, here are some tips for dealing with it:

Go to the restroom before boarding to minimize getting out of your seat.

Store your backpack or bag under the seat in front of you instead of in the overhead compartment.

Place items you will most need on top of the bag to reduce effort at getting to them.

Use your digital device with ear buds.

Have a snack handy since airlines have reduced the amount of meals and snacks they supply for free.

Assistance

There’s a button located usually above your seat near your light or in your armrest that will alert an attendant. Use this if you need a pillow, a blanket, or a question answered. They don’t mind you asking for assistance.

Courtesy

The persons next to you may give clues that they are uncomfortable. Here are some of them:

You are next to the window and they keep shading their eyes or looking away from the window. This signals they are sensitive to light or just want to avoid it. They may be reading or trying to go to sleep. You could ask them if it is bothering them or just lower the shade on the window. You are not required to do that, such as when you want to look out the window, but it would be a way to compromise by lowering the shade halfway.

When the flight attendants come by with drinks and snacks, you’ll need to make eye contact to see who they are looking at in your row. Just tell them what you want to drink. They come back to pick up garbage too. It's polite to help pass items to the person by the window if they flight attendant is having trouble reaching them. Know that people will have to reach over you if you are in the aisle or middle seat.

Make sure the people on either side of you have enough arm room. Sharing an armrest isn’t ideal but it’s not that bad either.

Layovers, Changing Planes, and Connecting Flights

When you leave one plane and need to get to a connecting flight, look for a sign board with other departures near where you get off your plane. It will tell you which gate and time of departure for your flight number, usually by looking at the name of the destination city. If it is confusing, ask anyone for help by saying “Excuse me, I can’t find my next flight” and usually they will be glad to assist. Most people are really nice. If they are looking at their phone and don’t respond or look like they are worried they probably are late for a flight and are having trouble of their own so don’t ask that person. It’s important to know that if your next flight is more than 2 hours away, it is too early to see it on most sign boards until it gets closer to boarding, which is 30 minutes before the flight time.

In very large airports, trains take you between different terminals such as A or B or C or D. Look for signs above the intersections to direct you to them.

Baggage Claim

When you disembark you last flight, you proceed to the baggage claim area. A carousel will be carrying everyone’s luggage so when they see it they step forward and take it off the rack. When you get your own, step back out of the way so others can get their bags. There is no need to panic if it’s crowded, as bags will come back around a few times. It’s a good idea to mark your luggage with an identifying item to distinguish it easily and so others will leave it alone. Items could be a short, bright ribbon or yarn tied to the handle, a unique tag on the handle, or even choose a different colored suitcase or bag that will stand out. Whatever the item, make sure it will not come off in transit by being handled roughly many times.

If a person is struggling getting their baggage off the carousel, it’s ok to offer to help.

Transportation

If you do not have someone waiting for you, you will need to get a ride to your destination or hotel. The most common method is a ride share such as taxi, Uber, or Lyft for short rides and if you will not be needing transportation after that. If you will need rides for more than a couple days, want to go sightseeing, or are on vacation, you probably want to rent a car.

Taxis are available at the sidewalk outside the arrival terminal where you get your baggage or there will be signs directing you. If there is more than one, go to the taxi in the very front and tell them where you need to go. They will load your bags for you and it is customary to sit in the back seat, although you can ask to sit in the front seat if you prefer. When you reach your destination, you can pay with a credit card or cash, and it is expected that you tip the driver. A common tip is on average $5.

Ride share options like Uber and Lyft are accessed through an app on your phone.

Renting cars at the airport can be confusing because there are several companies. They should be researched online and reserved from home before getting to the airport.

If you are going to a hotel you may have a hotel shuttle. These can be located using signs in the ground transportation area or you can ask an attendant.

If all of this is overwhelming (it is for me), simply find the help desk near “ground transportation” and a person who works for the airport will assist. Do not accept a ride or assistance from anyone who is not an airline employee.

You made it!

Whether a short of long flight, pat yourself on the back once you make it a destination. Other than extremely experienced travelers, most everybody agrees that air travel can be a bit tiring and somewhat stressful. Grab a bit to eat, and if possible, relax for a bit. You deserve it!

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Goals Change Lives

Set Some Goals!

Just do it. Goal setting doesn’t have to be stressful. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. The only way to go wrong is to not do it at all. Goals give us something to look forward to, something to aim for, and a way to focus efforts in our day to day lives.

Ideas

Stumped? Here are a few common goal categories followed by a couple goal ideas, free for the adopting!

But First, What to Avoid

Generally speaking, goals to quit doing something, stop consuming something, or otherwise withholding something do not have long term success. It is easier to reach toward something, to learn to adopt a habit rather than to withhold a habit. Think of a dog being told to sit and wait while a treat is 4 feet in front of them. Even if they are able to wait, all they are thinking about is that treat. Then think of that same dog who sees the treat on the ground but is working on rolling over or fetching a ball. The treat is still there, but rather than simply working on not taking it, the dog is working on something that involves a new action and fulfillment, and is no longer or minimally aware of the tempting treat.

Ideas for Goals

Work Life

New job (if you do this one, be specific and set mini-goals within this big goal such as “fill out application,” and “write new resume”)

Get to know a new person you work with

Arrive to work 5 minutes earlier each day.

Recreation

Start a new hobby (ideas include sports, crafts, collecting, and more)

Exercise at least 20 minutes 5 days a week

Spend 1 hour less each day watching television (first figure out about how much you view daily)

Education

What major educational step would be next for you? Set a goal.

If you are in an educational institution already, how can you improve? Should you work on being organized? If so, set an actionable goal such as getting a new binder and setting it up with classes, tabs, and so forth.

Increase self-advocacy

Improve attendance

Work on homework for ______minutes each night before doing fun activities

Social Life

Talk to one new person each day, even if it means just asking how their day is going

Join one new online social media forum (twitter is my big goal!)

Develop one friendship more deeply (take an existing friend/acquaintance and think about how to get to know them better)

Ask an elderly neighbor if they need help with anything such as yard work or walking a dog

Interact with neighbors (take them a treat, say hi before going inside, etc.)

Focus on one social skill you’d like to improve. For example, one of mine (I have many) is not interrupting the person I’m talking to. Others might include remembering to ask others questions rather than only talking about yourself, listening more intently so you remember what someone said, or omitting unnecessary details from stories.

Self Care

Make that dentist or doctor appointment you’ve been putting off

Get a haircut

Floss twice a day. Ok, maybe at least once if you’re not doing it at all yet (let’s be realistic)

Eat a vegetable at every meal

If you have junk food habits, choose one to improve but be precise for yourself

Home and Daily Living

Develop a new cleaning routine for your living quarters

Clean out cupboards

Create a budget (and stick to it)

Wash carpets (or) curtains (or) blinds

Organize clothes, donate any you haven’t worn in a year that aren’t special

Purge items you do not need - donate, donate, donate. Throw away unusable items.

Yard work - if you don’t have a yard, maybe help a parent or grandparent

Final Note

At the risk of sounding dramatic, I can honestly say goals saved me from myself in early adulthood. If I didn’t have a goal of becoming a teacher I have no idea where I would be. It made me make healthier choices in order to get to classes, develop social skills required to speak to instructors when needed, organize my life in order to get to work and classes while managing homework, and so much more. You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do with your life, but thinking hard about some things you want either long and/or short term will change your trajectory if you focus on what you want. You are in control of your future and you get to make choices to get out of or into positions you desire.
Start as big or small as you want. Just don’t make the mistake of never starting.

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

Travel Planning

Taking a little road trip a couple hours away, or flying across the globe, preparing for a vacation can be fun and rewarding. For the free spirit or extreme procedural thinker, there are benefits to planning ahead.

If traveling to Kauai and interested in the bucket list of activities scroll on down to the “Sample Plan” below the bucket list image.

Benefits of Planning Ahead For a Getaway:

Saves the time and hassle of looking up “things to do” or “places to eat near me” while on your vacation

Saves money

You leave vacation feeling like you’ve done what you wanted to do

Increases opportunities. A) some activities require reservations so getting in early improves chances of getting to do what you want when you want to do it and B) if places are closed certain days of the week it’s helpful to know this ahead of time

“Live with no excuses and travel with no regrets. ”

— Oscar Wilde

Get Ready, Get Set To Go

Growing up, my mom was always the one who planned out all of our vacations. She would read books for weeks ahead of time, map out where every place was located and how long each adventure would take in order to maximize our time. We gave her a hard time but now that I’m the one planning, I totally get it! Ok, it’s not my personality nor do I have the focus to put the effort into a vacation that my mom did but I certainly enjoy looking ahead and making lists of what I want to do on vacation. When I am traveling to a place I’ve been before my bucket list is usually more specific and often includes dining experiences. When I’m traveling somewhere new I try to chat with people who are familiar with the destination and record their suggestions. My planning is far less extensive than my mom’s ever was (and still is, she’s traveling more now than ever) but it serves the purpose of making sure I cover the places and experiences I want while visiting new or familiar places.
In trying to take risks, I include at least one “to do” on vacation that stretches my comfort zone. I have never regretted doing something new!

Sample Plan: Kauai

Wailua River Kayaking is definitely out of my comfort zone, mainly because I’ll have my 3 kids with me and am going to have to put full faith in the guides. Not only will we be kayaking a long way in new territory, there’s a hike and picnic included. It sounds absolutely breathtakingly beautiful and adventurous. At the same time there are many, many opportunities for disaster (ok, not in reality but in my worst case scenario thinking perhaps). Choosing adventure over fear of the unlikely on this one!

Puka Dog - it’s in a cute little Hawaiian shopping center, and the deliciousness of this hot dog is impossible to explain. Kids can share, they’re huge. Make sure to allow enough time to choose from the extensive sauces!

Waimea canyon trail is self-explanatory. A great way to enjoy the beauty of Hawaii, get some exercise, and take some amazing pictures.

Princeville Botanical Garden is a place I would go back to every day if I could. The tour has a very up close and personal style. There’s cacao education and tasting too, can’t beat that.

We heard about Spouting Horn Park last time we visited Kauai. We didn’t have time to go, so I knew this had to be on the list for this time.

Mermaid Cafe is an example of a place we probably wouldn’t have notice or chosen had we not put out a request for suggestions from friends who had visited Kauai before. So glad we did! Their burritos are as unexplainable as the Puka Dog, and the feel is very “local Hawaiian.” It’s a walk-up-and-order sidewalk cafe and there’s something for every type of eater.

Anini Beach is a place we fell in love with on our last visit. We didn’t realize bonfires were allowed until our last day there so we hope to light one up this time! This beach was a reminder why it's beneficial to simply explore once in a while. We never would have found it in an internet search, yet it stole our hearts (and almost one of our kids’ permanent teeth in a body surfing fail).

Luau…because, well, Hawaii! This one we’re going to hold off on choosing and see what pops up when we get there. So we're not sure the specifics, but it’s on my list so I can plan accordingly when packing and managing time.

Preparation

Once you have an idea of what you want to do on your vacation, you can pack accordingly. While leaving room for spontaneity (living in the moment or doing something unplanned) is fun, when you plan ahead you can be prepared. For example, knowing I want to go on a kayaking tours means I head to Hawaii prepared with my athletic water shoes. Since I try to pack as little as possible on vacation due to my minimalist tendencies it’s nice to be able to pack precisely if I know what I’ll be doing, such as knowing I only need one dress for a luau. For tips on luggage allowances, check out any airline website. There are also packing ideas galore on Pinterest.

Start Planning

Where do you want to go? If you already have a trip planned, make a bucket list if you don’t have something planned, think of where you want to go and start saving and planning!

Choose a place

Find a place to stay and book

Figure out transportation and lock it in

Bucket List! Including links to the places you find is really helpful later.

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!

How to Navigate a Job Interview

Getting the Job You Want

Disclaimer: The author (me) does not claim to be a job coach, life coach, or anything coach (well, except Girls on the Run).

However, the author (still me) has also sat in many interviews, on both sides of the table. Additionally, the author has facilitated mock interviews with high school students. There seem to be consistent areas across the board where people feel unsure or uneasy. There are also consistent patterns of interviews worth explaining to interviewees so they can focus on duties of a job rather than how to get through an interview.

P.S. (pre-script): I personally believe the interview process is antiquated (outdated, old) and will hopefully be replaced by something more practical in the near future such as observations or try-outs for jobs.

Start by telling yourself you are the most qualified person for the job. Then try to believe it.


Getting an Interview

Send an email to whoever’s name is listed as a contact person for a job when you submit your application, or click ‘apply’ if using a website. The email can simply tell the employer how much you would like the chance to have an interview because you would love to work for their company.

If possible, go to the place of employment in person to deliver your application, especially if most people are simply attaching it to a website. When people see you, they remember you, and you immediately stand out to them, But be sure to dress professionally when you go in or it can backfire!

Research the company a little bit ahead of time. This way, if something stands out or is important to them, you can build it into your answers. For example, if their slogan is “we care about customers,” when they ask what you can bring to the company, you can say “I will always work to make sure customers are satisfied with their service.”

The Interview

Wear: nice clothes and shoes

Brush: hair and teeth

Bring: pen and paper

Leave your phone somewhere out of sight and turn it off, not just on vibrate.

Be. On. Time. (Which means 10 minutes early) This gives you time to relax, possibly fill out papers if they have any for you, and who knows - maybe they'll give you questions to review?!

What to Expect

Setting

If they are a few minutes late starting your interview, this is nothing to worry about. Often times a committee is finishing a conversation about an interview before you, or chatting about how they are going to take turns asking questions. They have a little “work” to do in the interview process as well.

Sometimes you will be with one interviewer, sometimes it will be a committee. If it’s one on one, you may sit across from someone at their desk. If it’s a group, you might be at a table or crammed into an office - I’ve seen it all. If more than one person interviews you, you will probably be sitting facing them.

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Be yourself, be truthful and comfortable with your answers. Reflect the emotions of the interviewers. If they are smiling, you smile. If they are serious, don’t make jokes or flip statements. It is permissible to appear nervous as interviews are very important, and they know you are probably nervous anyway.

Questions

If it is an hourly job, the questions will likely be linked to specific job duties. Any questions that you do not already know, you can say you are a quick learner or that you’ve wanted to learn how to do (said skill) anyway.

If it is a career type job, you will have some job specific questions as well and will probably need to know the answers. Typically if you are qualified for a job, it is not a problem answering these questions.

The good news is most interview questions do not have one specific correct answer. Rather, committees are looking at your ability to explain, relate, and generally speak to topics.

Process

When you enter the interview room, smile. Thank them for taking the time for your interview.

Answer questions without rambling. Think of your key point of an answer and elaborate only on that point. Make your answers long enough to cover the topic, but short enough to be interesting. Listing every example you can think of is not necessary, might bore the interviewers, and will create an awkward conversational environment. You can search sample interview questions, although they are often generic in search findings, so keep that in mind. Searching a specific job aeea may bring back more specific search results in regards to question samples. Click below to see sample questions thanks to monster.com

If there’s a question you aren’t sure of an answer for, just say something like “that is new to me but I am happy to learn about it,” or “I can’t think of something off the top of my head, can you give me an example?” Nobody expects you to know everything.

When you leave, smile and thank them again for the interview. Notice if someone reaches out to shake your hand and respond by shaking theirs. It’s an added bonus to look them in the eyes as you do, even briefly.

If you are able to access emails of those who were on the interview, thank them for their time and for the interview. At the least you probably have access to the person who contacted you for the interview so you can just email them to thank them for the opportunity.

The Waiting Game

Sometimes the committee will tell you how long until they make a decision about who they will hire for the position. When they call, if you are not selected, it is fair to ask “is there anything specific I can work on for my next interview?” It is also fair to simply thank them for the interview. If you are selected be sure to ask when you will begin, what you need to wear, and if there is anything you need to know or do before your first day. You will have at least a day, usually a few days of training so you do not need to know every detail (trust that what they tell you will be sufficient for a successful first day).

Remember! Every interview is practice for future interviews. There is no such thing as a failed interview. There are only lessons learned for the next one(s).

Take risks, live your life, ask questions, and find your fun!